Education Matters

Choosing a school can be a difficult process for any parent let alone one from another country.

In Canada we believe in providing EVERY child a decent education but how does one choose which school is right for their children?

SIMPLE!

Just view your options below and sleep on it.

PUBLIC SCHOOLS

CATHOLIC SCHOOLS

 

2004 prom king and queen

PRIVATE SCHOOLS

The choice is ultimately yours.

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Published in: on November 30, 2010 at 4:49 pm  Leave a Comment  

Canada and its Lesser Known Regions

When you arrive in Canada you will be given an option as to where in Canada you wished to live.  This can be a difficult task for immigrants like yourself considering that Canada is a large and diverse nation with regions spreading from one freezing coast to the next.  Hundreds of cities, towns and hamlets pepper our landscape, providing safe haven for all those who need a place to call home (Unless your a suspected Tamil Tiger then we might have some problems.)

I’ve compiled a selection of five of the best places in Canada to set up shop based on some strict criteria.  Each one is unique in its own way so take your time to peruse all five.

(I’ve compiled them in no particular order except that the best one is at the top.)

1. CALGARY

Now I know what your thinking.  You think Calgary is full of cowboy bars and office buildings and ponds full of toxic ooze that devour more ducks than a Chinese buffet but let me tell you, none of this my friends is true (except for the first two and the third one maybe but I haven’t seen one).

Calgary is WORLD CLASS people!

Need Proof?

Ummm…what about the Olympics we had in 88?!  That was HUGE!  Oh and we had Pandas that year too.  HUGE Pandas!  There’s also the Calgary Stampede SO HUGE IT HURTS TO TYPE IT!

*insert Brokeback comment here*

All these huge things make for a great city!  In fact being huge is kind of important to us.  People around here usually carry huge wallets so naturally you need a big pair of pants to carry that huge ass wallet.  Then of course you’ll need a big truck to haul you around because friend you’ll have to eat tonnes of huge steaks to fill out those huge jeans you just purchased.  Its a snowball effect and it’s also why Calgary is so gosh darn expensive!

2. Vancouver

Vancouver is for lovers.  Lovers of totem poles and homeless people.  Other than that Vancouver is just like any other city in the world.  Vancouver has a sort of mythical quality to it that the youth in Canada find so appealing.  Many young people who consider themselves “trendy” flock to this ocean front metropolis because it symbolizes a place where you can really kick back, relax and let your dreads down.

Vote for Carl in the 2011 Vancouver civic election.

Vancouver dreams of being more, a lot like the population within it.  It wants to be hip like Seattle but it doesn’t have Kurt Cobain.  It wants to be trendy like San Fransisco but its too flat.  All in all its a nice enough place to live for those we consider themselves to cool for school.

3. TORONTO

A city still bitter because it isn’t the capital.

Toronto hasn’t been popular in twenty years.  There are cleaner, prettier, nicer, friendlier, better smelling, more culturally satisfying cities in Canada but Toronto has one thing that keeps the rest of Canada from telling it to shove off.

And that would be its sports teams.

Unless hockey is the only sport that gets your rocks off, we as Canadians are basically stuck cheering for professional sports teams based out of Toronto.  This is unfortunate because Toronto is unofficially cursed regarding sports.  No matter how good your team is or how well they play, teams out of Toronto are not allowed to win championships.  Thems be the rules.

...

Then again I suppose you fine folks will be cheering for teams from your home country so really Toronto wont be a COMPLETE disappointment for you.

4. St. Johns

Oh now here’s a real treat for you all.

St. Johns is a beautiful retreat sitting majestically atop the cliffs over looking the bountiful Atlantic ocean.  For centuries Newfoundlanders or “Newfies” as they’re affectionately called, have lived peacefully along the coast fishing day in and day out so that every day people can take their grannies to Red Lobster any day of the week!

The Newfies also have a great sense of humor.  Observe this hilarious ad one of them has posted on kijiji

$13.25 or best offer

5. Nunavut

If you were enticed by all those stories of igloos and polar bears than this is the place for you.  If you thought Vegas had a nightlife try 24 hours in pitch black tundra!  Did I mention it’s also home to the worlds largest horizontal ski hill?

One of three black diamond runs


Published in: on November 16, 2010 at 6:25 pm  Leave a Comment  

French need not apply

Arriving in Canada you’ve probably heard a number of rumors regarding supposed Canadian culture.  Someone has probably mentioned to you that we live in igloos or… that we own beavers or… that we speak French.  None of these could be further from the truth.

Gather around your old friend Cale and allow me to probe you with my history of the French Canadian.

Bonjour

It all began two thousand years ago with the arrival of  some French sailors, led by Francois Celine and Dominique Dion.

The sailors had become disenchanted with all the smoking and drinking in France and decided to settle down in the beautiful British settlement of New Britain which we all know one day would become the great nation known as Canada.

New Britain was settled by the British who named it New Britain on account of the fact that Britain was already the name of their first country and that the name Zimbabwe had already been taken five years earlier.

Damn it!

ANYWAYS The British, being the gentlemen that they were, allowed the French to stay and live amongst the Canadians for all eternity on two conditions .

1: that they never complain

and 2: that they stop eating their children.


the French had fallen on hard times before arriving in Canada

The French agreed at first but unfortunately they were an unreasonable tribe and they soon became greedy and demanded their own piece of the proverbial Canadian pie.  Seeing as the British were naturally a kind and gentle race they allowed the French to carve out their own chunk of land and call it whatever they wanted.

The French called it “Quebec” or in English “The Land of Many Smells”.

The French were happy for a while but when New Britain became Canada, they demanded more.  One day as the queen’s canoe was dropping her off at parliament  she was confronted by two world famous Frenchmen who’s names escape me.  They approached the queen slowly at first, covering their faces so as not to startle her.

"Pardon moi your majesty...Have you got a minute?"

When they spoke they told her of the many problems the French people were facing.  Besides disease, famine and a lack of musical talent their biggest problem was far worse.  It seemed the French were having a hard time adapting to all the English labels on their groceries.  Children were confusing laundry detergent for boxes of Fruit Loops, women were writing checks with Tide-to-go and husbands went to work with blank DVDs in their lunch boxes.  Chaos swept over the land.

So the queen made a stand.  She made a decree that all groceries in Canada shall have both English and French labels!!

And the people were happy.

And that my friends is how the French myth came to be.   So next time you see all those weird hieroglyphics at your local grocery store remember one thing;

It’s not raisin flavored soda it’s just French for grape!

your friend,

Cale

Published in: on November 9, 2010 at 6:27 pm  Leave a Comment